we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
