Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
