Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
