just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
