I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Randomize
