I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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