how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
