You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
