The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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