I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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