Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
