His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is my life. Enjoy the view
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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