It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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