Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
