you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
