I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
