anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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