I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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