i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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