if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
