The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
