alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
