Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
