one might say we're banned from that church
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
