I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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