I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
