So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
