Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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