i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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