Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
