you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
