I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
