My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
