I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we're making bets on your personal life
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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