"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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