we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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