walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
