I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
