he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
