Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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