there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
