Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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