I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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