Im at strip club and am horny
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
