Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
