love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
