I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
