dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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