This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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