Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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