He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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