Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
