My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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